As of October 29, 2014, the Center for Disease Control had three confirmed cases of the Ebola virus in the United States. That means out of a total population of 316.1 million people, you’d pretty much have to exchange bodily fluids with three people to bring your Walking Dead nightmares to life.
Nevertheless, people are panicking, being quarantined and probably buying ridiculous amounts of hand sanitizer. Relax. According to the University of Delaware microbiology and nursing faculty, your chances of contracting the disease is one in 13.3 million. To put that in perspective, look at 15 more random things more likely to happen than you catching the deadly disease. In short, here’s why you’ll probably never catch Ebola.
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Photos: WENN.com
photo: WENN
Getting Your Wife or Girlfriend Pregnant
Assuming you and your mate are in relatively good health, you have a 15-25% chance of conceiving a child during a normal ovulatory cycle. You’re more likely to have a child than catch Ebola, so strap up.
Winning The Lotto
You’re not necessarily going to hit the jackpot, but Powerball estimates your odds of winning something at roughly 1 in 32. You’re actually more likely to win $10,000 (1 in 648,975 odds) than you are to catch Ebola. Put the surgical mask down, and go buy a lottery ticket.
photo: WENN
Dating a Supermodel
Let’s assume that only 25 of the various part-time models, Instagram thirst traps and groupies claiming model stats are really worthy of the title of supermodel. We’re talking Tyra Banks in her prime. You’d still have a 1 in 880,000 chance of dating one of them, which are better odds than catching Ebola.
Being Attacked By A Shark
Shark Week or not, the odds of being mauled by a great white shark are almost but not quite as slim as catching Ebola. According to the United States Lifesaving Association, the chances of you catching a bad one courtesy of Jaws or one of his relatives are 1 in 11.5 million.
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Being Involved In a Plane Crash
Ebola patient Amber Joy Vinson (who has since been released from the hospital) reportedly flew on a Frontier Airlines plane on October 13. Even if you were on the same plane as Vinson that day, your chances of crashing were 1 in 11 million. As morbid as it sounds, you’re more likely to die in a plane crash than from Ebola.
Getting Struck By Lightning
It’s true that a random lightning bolt will take you out before a case of Ebola. The National Weather Service lists your odds of being struck by lightning during an 80-year lifespan at 1 in 12,000.
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LeBron Winning Another Ring
Four-time NBA MVP LeBron James has been teased for cramping and sometimes choking in crunch time. But having returned to the Cleveland Cavaliers, Las Vegas odds makers give his team 5/2 odds to win the NBA championship. You’re more likely to see James win a third NBA championship this year than catch Ebola.
Your Idiot Neighbor Becoming President
The odds tend to vary, but by most calculations, the average, eligible citizen has 1 in 10,000,000 odds of becoming President of the United States. Those are slim chances, but you’re still more likely to see your idiot neighbor as POTUS than see yourself with Ebola.
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Giving Birth to Quadruplets
Assuming you’re a fertile woman and want to give Jon and Kate Gosselin a run for their money on the reality show circuit, you’re chances of popping out four kids at once are one in 512,000. Yeah, you’re more likely to have quadruplets than catch Ebola.
Republicans Winning the Senate:
If you’re a Democrat, fall back on the Ebola paranoia, because you have bigger fish to fry. A statistical simulation by the New York Times estimates there’s a 67% chance you can bet on a GOP Senate majority.
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Being Shot By a Cop
According to Jim Harper, Director of Information Policy studies at the Cato Institute, you’re eight times more likely to be killed by a police officer than a terrorist or Ebola. Heaven forbid you should be a person of color.
Making It to The NBA
You can try to max out the customized NBA 2K15 player named after yourself if you want, but your odds of getting off the couch and making it in the NBA are 3 in 10,000. That’s still better than your odds of contracting the Ebola virus and dying.
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Becoming a Movie Star
According to the Book of Odds, the chances of becoming a movie star are 1 in 1,505,000. It’s highly unlikely that you’ll be rubbing elbows with Spike Lee or Michael Bay, but it’s still more realistic than death from Ebola.
Your Favorite NFL Player Getting a DUI Arrest
If someone from your fantasy team or your favorite real-life NFL team shows up on the police blotter, you should hope NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is feeling nice. According to USA Today, the chances an NFL player who is arrested will be for DUI are 1 in 3.8 or 28%.
Being Born With Extra Fingers or Toes
Having more than 10 fingers or toes isn’t the end of the world, and technically it’s not even an illness. But the odds of being born with the medical condition known as polydactyly are 1 in 500.
