UPS Is Hiring: 9 Signs You Are A Struggle Rapper

Hip-Hop has blessed us with a legion of talented, awe inspiring MCs. But even more so, it has delivered us a plethora of struggle rappers with weak bars, corny punchlines and  God awful flows. Sadly, these wack MCs rarely ever acknowledge the suspect nature of their rhymes or the lameness of their entire “movement.”

Keep in mind, all music is subjective. However, there are certain clues to look out for that denote that rapping just may not be the career you were destined for. The truth is carving out a viable livelihood as an artist is grueling for even the most talented of MCs. So here are 9 signs you are a notorious struggle rapper. If you are guilty of these behaviors, consider cutting your losses, putting the mic down and seeking out a job (don’t be mad) with health benefits, because struggle rappers never rarely prosper.

Do let us know if we missed any.

MORE ON HIP-HOP WIRED!

• The Top 10 Adidas Sneakers Ever*

• Future’s Star Studded Album Release Party & Concert For Pluto [PHOTOS]

• Rihanna’s Very Hot Coachella Weekend [PHOTOS]

• The Best Performances In The History Of Nickelodeon’s All That [VIDEO]

• Just Because: Gifs of Disappointed Rappers [PHOTOS]

• Tupac Back: The Best Moments From Coachella 2012 [PHOTOS]

• Lil Wayne Covers May 2012 Issue Of XXL Magazine [PHOTOS]

• Air Jordan XII (12) “Playoffs” [PHOTOS]

—

Photo: Hood News

Your Grind Is Weaker Than Clock Radio Speakers

In rap days past, the grind included shaking hands with DJs, performing in hole in the wall spots, interviews on college radio station and whatever was necessary to build a grass roots following. Now, your “grind” consists of e-mailing unwanted MP3 files to rap blog editors who don’t know you from Adam and your live show…wait, you’ve never actually performed live.

Your Social Media Marketing Struggle Is Annoying As F-ck

Of course you do more than just hit “send” on e-mails (without using BCC, jerk.). You hang out on the Internets and invade the Twitter convos of others or hit up their Facebook walls with your unsolicited struggle tunes. Can you name one rapper who got put on, and made a career, by using these tactics? We’ll wait.

You Think Everyone Is A Hater

There may be no more overused term in Hip-Hop, besides calling everything that drops a “classic,” than “You’re a hater.” It has gotten to the point where anyone who tries to offer constructive criticism (think: you’re flow needs work, those beats aren’t a good fit, everyone says you’re wack), get instantly dismissed as hate. Not bothering to listen to anyone, besides your A$$ kissing friends, is the way of the struggle rapper.

You Put Your Mans On, When You Ain’t Even On

Only in Hip-Hop do artists that would kill to get a record deal of their very own, fool themselves by claiming they’re a mogul and conning an even bigger struggle rapper to sign to their makeshift label. There may be no greater struggle than a struggle rapper signed to another struggle rapper, which only leads to exponential levels of struggle.

You Think Southern Rap Music Ruined Hip-Hop

Say what now? The South boasts legends like UGK, OutKast and Scarface, to name a few. These are artists that will body any and all challengers, regardless of regional origin. So all of you rallying behind the faulty premise of Southern rap somehow ruined Hip-Hop and is preventing your dated sound from getting a fair shake, we suggest you dig into a big bowl of sh-t the f-ck up.

You Think Having These Internets On Lock Is All It Takes

Think of five or so of your favorite Internet MCs with not a hint of radio play. If you were to take those names to the local barbershop or summer pick-up game and drop their name, you would get the blankest of stares. Yes, having blogs and Hip-Hop sites support your music and movement is vital. But it’s all for naught if you can’t move those readers off their keyboards and into stores to cop your music. Or at least go through with that iTunes transaction.

Delusions Of Grandeur

Need an example? Remember when Papoose went on Twitter with the audacity to say that he was the King of New York? There you go.

Instrumental Whoredom

We get it. You ain’t got sh-t else to do, or your budget is minimal, digging through all the blasé beats from cheap up and coming producers can be tedious, so you decide to do your thing over the hottest instrumental from a non-struggle artist for your banal freestyle. However, your rhymes are generic and all your version does is make listeners want to go back to the original. Ask any of your homies if they beatbox.

You Stay Beefing On Twitter

Mos Def rapped “beef don’t come with a radio edit.” In 2012, it should be “beef don’t come in 140 characters.” Grown men typing out their aggressions over Twitter is the epitome of struggle. Log off.