10 Sporting Events That Would Be In The Hip-Hop Olympics [PHOTOS]

[Cue Hip-Hop infused Olympic theme music] The 2012 Summer Olympics are upon us and strangely the usually conservative Games have had a number of Hip-Hop relatable moments. Like Ryan Lochte attempting to rock a diamond encrusted grill on the podium, Serena Williams busting a crip-walk after her crushing win over Sharapova and Michael Phelps saluting Jeezy and Weezy after his gold medal win.

That got us to thinking. What would an Olympic games made up totally of rappers and Hip-Hop heads be like? So we decided to take it a step further and brainstorm our own outline of how the first annual Hip-Hop Olympics would go down.

Held in Cedar Park in the Bronx (the birthplace of Hip-Hop), with representative rappers from all 50 states, here are 10 sporting events that would take place at the inaugural 2012 Hip-Hop Olympics.

Let the games begin…

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Photo: S&D Marketing

Struggle Rapper CD Discus Throw

Real Olympics:
Athletes cuff a 4.4 pound medal disk, spin like a human centrifuge at almost vomit inducing speeds and try to chuck said disk as far as possible.

HH Olympics:
This is a fan participation event. It will involve slinging the 2.15 ounce CDs of struggle rappers that have been collected from all participating states into trash compactors placed at varying distances. It’s all in the wrist. All unused CDs will be stomped out and steam rolled. That’s word to Calvin Butts.

4×400 Beat Making Relay

Real Olympics:
Four athletes run 400 meters a piece, each initiating the next runner with the pass of a baton.

HH Olympics:
In this brazen showing of beat making prowess, four teams of four producers each must make a beat with each member perfecting one aspect of the track then passing it off to a team member until finished. Each producer initiates the next producers turn with the passing of a blunt.

Marathon Freestyle

Real Olympics:
Frail body cats run 26 miles like it’s a walk in the park.

HH Olympics:
In this test of strength, endurance and infinite bars, rappers who clearly have too much time on their hands will spit a non-stop freestyle running the roughly 21 miles from the Bronx to Brooklyn. All while being chased like Eazy E (AJ Johnson) was getting chased in the “F#ckin’ With Dre Day” video by gun totting street thugs. Ready. Set. Go.

Final Field: Chiddy, Game, Canibus, Papoose

Water Wearing Polo

Real Olympics:
Soccer in the pool, using your hands.

HH Olympics:
Cats just stand on the outside of the pool in Lo gear and try to look the freshest. What? That’s it.

Final Field: Young Dro, 88 Keys, Just Blaze, Raekwon

Synchronized Swimming Smoking

Real Olympics:
Teams perform synchronized routines of elaborate moves while in a swimming pool.

HH Olympics:
Smoking herb is already a past time for most rappers, so why not make a HH Olympic sport out of it? But in order to make things fair, every participant has to smoke the same type of reefer, and take equally measured out vaporizer rips. At the same damn time. To the death Until there is only one man standing, or stumbling.

Final Field: Snoop, Devin The Dude, B-Real, Curren$y, Wiz Khalifa

Boxing And Scanning CDs

Real Olympics:
Participants where padded gloves and try to beat the ish out of each other.

HH Olympics:
Representatives from record labels sit in a warehouse and try to be the fastest to scan and box a certain amount of unpurchased CDs. The first one finished goes platinum, urrrrrr wins the gold medal.

Final Field: Universal, Sony, Warner, EMI

Struggle Rapper DVD Skeet [II] Shooting

Real Olympics:
That lame level on Duck Hunt where the dog doesn’t heckle you when your aim is some isht.

HH Olympics:
This is another fan participation event whose premise is similar to the Struggle Rapper CD Discus Throw. Except, instead of shooting flying clay discs, participants will get to turn struggle rapper DVDs –that would usually end up getting bud crumbled up on them – into Swiss cheese. Shotguns are replaced with AK-47s. Brrrrrdaaaaaat!!

Equestrian Jumping Pit Bull Flexing

Real Olympics:
Horses that are worth more than you’ve made in your entire life run around an obstacle course and try not break a leg and get turned into Elmer’s glue.

HH Olympics:
How many rappers do you know that own horses? We’ll wait…Exactly, so instead, we’re rocking with Pit Bulls, every rapper’s favorite companion. Instead of having them run an obstacle course, and because dog fighting is frowned upon in this establishment, the winner would be determined by whose dogs looks most like they would bite a ham hock out of your azz.

Final Field: DMX, Big Boi

Triple Jump Beam

Real Olympics:
Athletes try to jump really, really far into a ring worm ridden sand box.

HH Olympics:
Trap rappers are put the test on the triple beam to see if they are really ‘bout that life. First to cook a kilo – taste approved by a panel of NYCs finest crack head judges, of course – wins the gold.

Final Field: Pusha T, Young Jeezy, Gucci Mane, Yo Gotti

Steeplechase Hip-Hop Cops Chase

Real Olympics:
The event where you are most likely to see someone bust they MF azz.

HH Olympics:
The event where you are most likely to see someone bust they MF azz. Instead of leaping over hurdles and jumping over ditches, rappers will have to maneuver through the pissy hallways of the entire Queen’s Bridge Housing Projects while being pursued by members of the infamous Hip-Hop cops.